Friday, April 28, 2017

Church at the Gas Station

There are moments in life when the Call is so clear....For me, it's never been in the outbound intentional discipleship that most people talk about; rather, it's the tiny the nudges that I follow and the conversations that simply unfold when I listen.

Today it was answering a request for gas from a man who lives outside. I met him at the gas station even though I was coming home from the hospital myself. Yes I'm okay, I was just being infused with IV hydration as I do normally twice a week. I was tired, but I felt the nudge.

We filled up our tanks of gas... At some point I casually mentioned that I'm in Ministry. I've known this man for a year and he didn't know that I was a minister until today...and today was clearly the day he needed to talk about God. Tears filled his eyes as we discussed suffering and God and Grace. And I realized why I am enduring all that I am, because it allows me to have these conversations with others.

But what I found the most fascinating was that this is a man who will never enter a church because of his strict religious upbringing. As we talked, I could hear the ideas of great theologians in his words, including John the Scot and St. Augustine, even though he'd never read any of those works.

It brings me back to this idea of innate knowing. We all have a sense of the Creator.

He asked me what he could do for me.... and I told him that he has no idea how much these conversations lift me up and inform my life. And so I thanked him.

Today Church was at the gas station.
This is what my path looks like....
Ordained or not, I am a minister.

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

New art and poetry! The Feminine Divine


The Feminine Divine
By Heather Thompson Blue Phoenix Art

She is the Feminine Divine.
She is not on display
for the world to
View
Appreciate
Judge.
Her treasures not easily spotted
Like diamond adorned necklaces,
Pageant tiaras,
Or platinum toe rings.

She is WILDERNESS.
Gnarled and spectacular
Fractal life
Dripping with untamed wisdom.

You cannot search for her.
No.
Discovery requires dropping
Into the depths of the unknown...
A Place where your senses become useless
Difficult to see.
Difficult to breathe.
Difficult to withstand...
The building pressure with every fathom fallen. 
When you sink into her abyss,
You find brilliant Darkness.
The primordial vessel. 
Birthplace of creation.
Womb from which all kenotic
Mystery poured forth.

She cannot be comprehended.
There is no differentiation.
Only connection.
And in the deepest pairing,
A flash of the
Shadow of the
Frontier of Mystery
May be observed......
Only to be lost again.

But therein lies the gift. 
From her deepest wounds
You will find grace.
From her darkness
You will find light.
From her scars
You will emerge.

Resist the temptation
to make her small....
Contained
Palatable
Comprehensible
Acceptable to others.
She is none of those things.
Walk into the desire to understand her.
Allow her to be exactly what she is...
And perhaps...
You will find peace with who YOU are.

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

I'm Finding Homeostasis

Major Accomplishment! I didn't need Iv fluids today. I'm finding homeostasis. The water is slowly draining out of my tissues, but it's staying in my blood stream and BP is steady. So it was time to drop steroids again (always uncomfortable but worth it).

I'm sooooooo grateful for this journey, albeit painful at times.....I'm even grateful for the sudden hearing loss and the summer of Prednisone, because without it I never would have discovered what was underlying all my health problems all these years....a lifelong pituitary struggle going back to my first TBI at age 5.

I prayed for health. I'm getting it. But healing is never easy. There's a dying of the old to make room for the new. Transformation is badass.

And my big Harvey warhorse is ready....Trainer says all the new old man meds are working, his new shoes are on point, and he's the best he's been in a long time. No retirement for my big boy! 

It's almost time for me to ride again!

Saturday, April 22, 2017

New Art! And Surrendering to KENOSIS

I've talked about feeling that my journey is LEARNING to surrender to the ocean of GOD/Mystery and let it MOVE me. This morning's reflection from CAC gives me language.....KENOSIS. I've thought of the self emptying of KENOSIS as a "pouring out," but not a "resting in" the ocean of the Trinity. Ha! 

Here's the reflection from Cynthia Bourgeault 

"...we penetrate right to the heart of the kenotic mystery, tingling in every cell of our body. Self-emptying is not about giving up things we want or rolling over and playing dead. It is about connecting with an energy of sustenance so powerful and vibrant as it flows through our being from the infinite that all else pales in comparison. It not only flows through our being; it is our being.


The core secret we are coming to understand is that the act of letting go, spiritually understood as a cosmic energy exchange, is the power by which Jesus could live and remain true to his path. It is the power through which he healed, the power through which he forgave, and the power through which he meets us now. It is not only his power, uniquely bestowed on him, as part of his prerogative as the only Son of God. That same power is hardwired into our own hearts and souls, and in that moment of complete surrender an explosion of presence goes off within us that is simultaneously an encounter with the wisdom master himself. 


Life provides plenty of opportunities for this practice; in fact, sometimes it seems as if life is comprised of a “twenty-four/seven” surrender immersion! The problem is, most of the time we’re not aware of it and “fall asleep,” as it’s called in wisdom work: when we brace and tighten and get thrown back into that smaller self. We go unconscious automatically.


But if you stay alert and grounded in sensation and are willing to wake up as soon as you realized you’ve started bracing or clinging, then you can use all the adventures and misadventures life throws at you to strengthen and deepen your heart connection—and your Christ connection."



"Excavating Rainbows"
Original art by Heather Thompson Blue Phoenix Art

Monday, April 17, 2017

Dare to be REAL

I'm participating in a vulnerability challenge that I actually feel very excited about. Those who know me know that I believe very strongly in the courage that it takes to be REAL - not in an endeavor to obtain approval from others, but in an effort to grow in my own embodiment.
So today I feel incredibly swollen (I successfully drank 100 ounces of water yesterday and I'm headed in for more via IV). THAT'S A HUGE SUCCESS. But as I was getting dressed, I started to feel myself judging my body. Then I paused.....

Walk Gently. My body is undergoing transformation and healing. She is awakening from a slumber caused by hypopituitarism, adrenal insufficiency, hyperthyroidism, dysautonomia, and all sorts of other endocrine problems as a result of a traumatic brain injury 6 years ago.

So I changed my thinking. What can I do to show this God given vessel that I love her. And the answer is simple....it's how I speak to others....it's how I talk with my daughter.... Expand, contract, flow, swell...I will love you regardless! And most importantly I will fully support you as you learn to trust me again (in the wake of anorexia) and as you come to find balance in all systems.  Unconditional love.

As for images, it would be easy to take a photograph from an upper camera angle that looks more flattering.  Camera angles are quite fascinating in today's day and age. I've taken two images for the purposes of this post - one above, one below. But neither reflect ME. The truth is that 2-dimensions cannot possibly capture the ineffable beauty that is the human form.

Sunday, April 16, 2017

New Art! "Water Breaks"

Here it is.....my new painting entitled
"Water Breaks"
48x60

This painting was PROFOUND in the way it changed my perspective.  Thus, I chose this passage from Romans 6 to accompany it......especially on this EASTER.

◄ Romans 6 ►
Believers Are Dead to Sin, Alive to God

1What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin so that grace may increase? 2May it never be! How shall we who died to sin still live in it? 3Or do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus have been baptized into His death? 4Therefore we have been buried with Him through baptism into death, so that as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, so we too might walk in newness of life. 5For if we have become united with Him in the likeness of His death, certainly we shall also be in the likeness of His resurrection, 6knowing this, that our old self was crucified with Him, in order that our body of sin might be done away with, so that we would no longer be slaves to sin; 7for he who has died is freed from sin.

8Now if we have died with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with Him, 9knowing that Christ, having been raised from the dead, is never to die again; death no longer is master over Him. 10For the death that He died, He died to sin once for all; but the life that He lives, He lives to God. 11Even so consider yourselves to be dead to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus.

12Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its lusts, 13and do not go on presenting the members of your body to sin as instruments of unrighteousness; but present yourselves to God as those alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness to God. 14For sin shall not be master over you, for you are not under law but under grace.

Note.....Fr. Raschko always said to NOTICE when someone is reading Romans....conversions happen (St. Augustine among them).

Thursday, April 13, 2017

Thoughts on the MOTHER of all BOMBS

I've been contemplating the use of MOTHER when discussing the MOTHER OF ALL BOMBS today. I think this underscores the masculine lens in a very important way. The Male lens associates the "mother of all bombs" with the most badass biggest strongest of all potential destructors. Similar to the Queen of the hive.  Intimidating.  Bold.  Powerful.  But......deadly....and a tool to be used by men at their discretion.

This is where we need to shift the lens. Mothers are totally badass. We are timeless warriors. We are bold, intimidating, and strong even as we walk into the paradox of vulnerability.

We are the inverse - we are not Destructors,  we are the Creators of new life.  We go through the suffering of childbirth (an experience that makes even the most hardened special forces guys struggle to watch). Ripped stem to stern, bloodied and brutalized, we then immediately turn toward sustaining the life of our new child. This experience of CREATION isn't associated with badassery in our culture. In fact, our very birth canal (pussy) is associated with weakness! 

BIRTH rivals the most traumatic events that men have experienced in war throughout history, and yet we edit it out.

I reject the use of the word "mother" associated with today's bombing. Instead I will illuminate the feminine from the perspective of a WARRIOR WOMAN.  As creators, we are truly badass miracles. And if you want to be a REAL badass, show your heart to EVERYONE.   An important thought this week of the crucifixion.

Wednesday, April 5, 2017

Rest - Art and Poetry

I grasp at my own will
As if the momentum is my own
To direct and push and pull
Walking ahead with the fierce 
Determination
Of a timeless warrior.
Go.
Do.
Preach.
Help.
Walk.
March.
Run.
Fight.
Resist.
Phallic arrows searching outward
For the unbridled darkness
Known but unexplored
And once touched,
Must be felt to comprehend.
Profound wisdom steeped
In the womb of Woman.
The source of all
Seeking
Being
Helping
Hoping
Desiring
Birthing
New life.
She is the entire ocean,
Undulating and wide,
Brimming with miracles,
Beneath a surface unseen.
Poisoned by toxic exploration,
Pressured to remain calm,
Lamented for her power,
She remains untamed.
Those that navigate her surface
Cannot comprehend her depths
Of brilliant darkness
Unimaginably illuminated.
She is the source.
Flowing.
Pausing.
Being.
Allowing.
Enveloped in the womb
Of crystalline
Sacred Mystery
She rests.

Original Art and Poetry by Heather Thompson, Blue Phoenix Art
"Rest"


Tuesday, April 4, 2017

Meadow Woman

Rooted, SHE begins.
From the depth of the
Meadow
Where she walks…
She observes the peaks of
Mountains on all sides
Forged in fire,
Yet frozen in ice.

SHE walks the nutrient-rich soil
In between.
Where wild flowers grow
Abundance
And rivers caress the land
Carving new formations

Where individuals become communities
And crops feed the tribe
And horses gallop through
The billowing blades of grass.
She persists.

Where barbed wire separates the land
And blood is shed
Humans battle against one another
The stench of death a harbinger of
Decomposition…
Absorbing into the Earth…
Enriching the soil…
And bursting forth new life

Tiny sparks of green
Poke through the blackened dirt
A new beginning…
In the meadow
Vessel
Container
Of Life.

Original Art and Poetry by Heather Thompson Blue Phoenix


Sunday, April 2, 2017

Meadow Woman - NEW ART!




Rooted, SHE begins.
From the depth of the
Meadow
Where she walks…
She observes the peaks of
Mountains on all sides
Forged in fire,
Yet frozen in ice.

SHE walks the nutrient-rich soil
In between.
Where wild flowers grow
Abundance
And rivers caress the land
Carving new formations

Where individuals become communities
And crops feed the tribe
And horses gallop through
The billowing blades of grass.
She persists.


Where barbed wire separates the land
And blood is shed
Humans battle against one another
The stench of death a harbinger of
Decomposition…
Absorbing into the Earth…
Enriching the soil…
And bursting forth new life

Tiny sparks of green
Poke through the blackened dirt
A new beginning…
In the meadow
Vessel
Container
Of Life.


Original Art and Poetry by Heather Thompson, Blue Phoenix Art

Meadow Woman201748 x 60



Contemplating Angels through the Lens of Synesthesia



Rest

I am tired this morning. I completed a painting yesterday that took a lot out of me, and today I complete my independent study of Angelology by meeting with my advisor. Both are significant accomplishments; yet, I feel the need to DO SOMETHING at this moment.

Thankfully I have learned to notice my thinking. "I should work on my book! I should paint! I should do my taxes! I should walk my horse! I should catch up on book-keeping!"

All the thoughts pinging through my head are nothing short of dizzying...until I drop into my heart space, and feel a sense of calm. REST. Take the luxurious time. Relish in the opportunity to do whatever you want - how often have you had the ability to do this on a Sunday Morning in recent months? Ahhhhhh....thank goodness I learned at some point that I am NOT my thinking mind.

REST
Heather Thompson, Blue Phoenix Art