Wednesday, September 18, 2019

Savant Wins America's Got Talent

It brings me to tears tonight watching #agt America's Got Talent... THE FINALS!

Kodi Lee, a blind, autistic, neurodivergent musical savant won by popular vote on one of the world's biggest stages.  POPULAR VOTE.  The voting audience saw his brilliance.  He didn't hide his disabilities.... he was himself-authentic- and he sang his heart out.  To see him win brings me to tears. 

Im not autistic like Kodi, but I know how it feels to be neurodivergent with disabilities and a savant talent.  It's easy to feel invisible sometimes.  Worse, there are times where people only see the disability/illness, and the judgment hurts.  It's challenging to choose to share my savant ability (painting) under those circumstances.  Still, I keep painting no matter the reactions of those around me because it's in my soul!

To see that expressed in an even more powerful way this season on AGT has moved me to start a new artistic expression.

To watch Kodi soar in the finals and again tonight.... well.... I'm inspired in ways that leave me speechless.   The color I feel, though, is a deep sparkling and swirling bowl of thick purple liquid with tinges of turquoise, fuchsia and gold spreading to every cell in my body!  Ahhhh.... if only synesthesia could be my language!

All my love to #kodilee for his extraordinary win tonight!  Your fellow neurodivergent savants are cheering you on!  I think my daughter and I need to finally get on a plane and go to Vegas.

Monday, September 9, 2019

My Wish for Today

Never take the simple things for granted.  Do you have your health? A solid job? Good family? Can you drive? Can you walk? Are you able to work? Are you healthy enough to parent your children?  Do you have loving relationships? A faith that nourishes you? Do you live without pain? Can you breathe unassisted? Can you smell the earth after a rain storm? And the list goes on.

St John of the Cross (one of my favorite mystics) was imprisoned and beaten by fellow monks for months.  During this painful time, "the dark night of the soul, " he found gratitude in the miracle of a flower blooming outside his cell window.  

Every day is filled with miracles, if we open our eyes and learn to see.   It often requires radical stillness to finally open up eyes that have been trained to see according to the dominant culture.  "Be still and know that I am God." I too have been guilty of setting goals higher and higher without noticing the miracle of where I am. Many times ive been leveled, forced into stillness, and reminded that my call is in the quiet.

Every day, I see people take things for granted... everyday things like walking up stairs.... but I notice because I'm fighting to be able to do those very same things. 

Today I paused with C to observe the difference between where i am now, where I was a year ago, and where I was two years ago.   I'm making huge progress, yet I'm not going to take a single moment for granted.   Living wakefully is my imperfect hope for today.   Amen. 

Saturday, September 7, 2019

Who Will I Be Tomorrow?

Ive been through so much medically,  spiritually, physically. There are moments that I recognize my face again, but that's only on the outside. Mu eyes remain the same.   As I reflect, I've transformed more through this last two years of painful healing work than ever in my life. I never thought I'd go through something more challenging than the TBI and divorce in 2011.   Yet here I am...walking out of another formative maelstrom. Im not looking backwards; no, I'm embracing what is to come, even as the ultimate outcome is unknown.

Thus,  I hold onto the prayer....

I come trembling to the feet of Jesus and ask, who will I be tomorrow? 

Thursday, September 5, 2019

My Heart Breaks

Living in one's truth...
Dying because of it.
My heart breaks.
Lord, hear my prayer.
It's beyond words
Where I'm speechless
And there's only a deep
yearning, hope, longing
That we learn to LOVE
One another
Because I feel broken
Every time we KILL
One another.

Sunday, September 1, 2019


I did it.  I rode my horse Harvey after 2 years. He's a 17h warmblood. A former grand prix jumper.  My warhorse.  It's humbling, as I've ridden horses for 30 years.... but you start where you are.... and after 2 years of painful treatments, I'm ready for rehab.  Harvey is my warhorse,  my heart, the blood in my veins.  After everything I've been through, I'm grateful to even be capable of riding again.  Thanks be to God.

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