A moment of honesty....I got on the scale this morning as I do every morning. Normally I don't care about the number. It simply integrates with my app on my phone and helps me track overall progress with swelling, water, and weight loss too. It's taken me a long time to get to this point, to where the scale number doesn't matter, because of my former history with eating disorders.
But this morning was different. I got off the scale and it said a number 10 pounds less than where it's been for the last several weeks. Suddenly I felt elated. Where I should have been concerned that I was dealing with severe dehydration ( sudden drop of 10 Pounds is likely water), instead I felt joy. Recognizing it could be a fluke though I stepped back on the scale and yes it was indeed an incorrect reading.
Reflecting on that moment of joy, I recognize that the anorexic history is still an active neural-net in my brain. And so I choose to lovingly acknowledge it, and then with a breath of kindness release it into the universe. That is why I'm writing it here, because we are only as sick as our secrets. If I'm honest about it, it loses its power to dominate my thoughts in my mind. And now I go on about my day!