I'm in a relationship with myself right now. After getting over the pain of a recent break up, I now feel a sense of stepping into the unknown yet again. It's reflected in my art with an angel flying. There is always that feeling of dizzying uncertainty when moving into a new phase of life. So I have decided to approach it with curiosity.
What would happen if I no longer looked at myself through the lens of a man?
It's hard to explain this to men, because it is a lens that fits naturally onto male eyes...all I shall say is that women spend much of our lives being conditioned on what is and is not acceptable to men in our culture. It is so deeply ingrained in us that it becomes difficult to know what is feminine without the influence of male opinion. This is especially true for straight women - I cannot speak for my LGBTQIA+ loved ones, as that is a road I do not walk.
Quantum physics has taught us that the lens of the observer affects actual molecular movement in space and time. In other words, reality is directly influenced by the lens by which we view it. Our default lens is masculine. One only has to look at images of God as the Father, Him, He, and so on.
I am left wondering - what happens if we broaden the observer to be something more than male? Perhaps reality can shift.
Awakening begins with the individual. Thus, I ask myself what happens if I let go of the male lens? It feels terrifying. Will I be alone? Will men no longer find me desirable? Asking such bold questions leaves me feeling like I have no ground to stand on - non-being. I feel like I am aware of the 70,000 fathoms that Kierkegaard talked about. And yet, I know deep down that I can let go.....I can let go of the opinions of those that I have dated or may date in the future; that I can let go of the statements made by the one I was married to and now divorced; I can let go of the male image of God that no longer suits my emerging theology; I can chose to view myself through the eyes of LOVE.
I believe this is how God sees me. Perhaps I can learn to see myself that way.
Below I have included a new painting. It emerged as I contemplated Angels. I have had angels appear in my art in the past. But this is the first time the angel has been in flight. Perhaps that is why I feel unsteady - perhaps I am developing my wings.
Blue Angel Wings
Original Art by Heather Thompson
Blue Phoenix Art
48 x 60
Acrylic on Canvas