Looking through Feminine Eyes

A few days ago, I awoke with new eyes. It was literally as if a lens had been removed. My dear friend Jaqueline had just passed away.  She had a prophetic voice rooted in black feminist thought, one in which the courageous words lovingly fell from her lips as she bravely questioned established norms and spoke her truth.  I admired her deeply.  As I struggled to accept the reality that she is gone, I felt a renewed courage inside of me.

I have many questions, yet I often feel incapable of expressing them openly. At times it is because the words fail to emerge, yet most often it is a deep seated fear of ridicule or punishment.  Trauma does this. It strips us of our words. Maya Angelou stopped speaking for 5 years after she was raped.  I too am a rape survivor. Finding the ability to speak again in the wake of suffering is among the most noble of acts. This is courage.   

Yesterday I read one of Jaqueline’s most recent blog posts.  Toward the end, she said, “Why are so many Christian women afraid to question the words of a man?”  This statement struck me deeply, especially since theologians like Paul Tillich (a favorite) emphasize that the act of questioning affirms God.

Bravely, standing with the women that have come before me and those yet to come, I am beginning to use my voice.  I am beginning to find my words. I am beginning to question. It seemed appropriate, then to ask one of the core questions that I have wondered for much of my life…

What is masculinity? What is femininity? Who defines these things?

I drive a big truck. For years my husband (now ex-husband) told me that a truck was too masculine for me. Instead, I drove a tiny roadster that would be considered more “sexy” and “feminine.” Why?

Why do people think I am masculine when I use a chainsaw to take care of my property? Why is it masculine when I work on construction projects around my home?

Why is a ripped, small, narrow hipped female is considered "better" than a voluptuous curvy feminine body by today’s standards?

Why is a "pussy" associated with weakness and "balls" with strength?

And that's when it hit me...It's a masculine lens that we all look through. I have been conditioned to look through this lens since I was first born into the world, and it was then reinforced throughout my life. The masculine lens is so ingrained that we don’t even notice it covering our eyes and filtering everything we see. 

Thus, I found myself sitting with a deeper question…

What would happen if I looked at femininity through feminine eyes?

I still don’t know the answer to this one, as I am actively contemplating the journey into a set of eyes that may not fully exist yet.  The Masculine lens is a powerful one. It conditions every aspect of how a woman perceives herself in the world. We use words like "privilege" to attempt to describe this dominant perspective, but that is still a concept dominated by masculinity.  We tell men to “check their privilege,” as if our ability to be seen depends on their ability to see themselves.  Feminists seek to dismantle the patriarchy and emasculate men.  I am a Feminist, and I see an alternative way.

The emergence of the feminine is a distinct phenomenon. It happens when women claim our power.  It is a power that cannot be taken away; rather, it is awakened from within. My femininity does not depend on men to change their way of being; rather, it is up to me as a woman to cultivate myself without the need for permission.   

I alone define what it means to be a woman. I only define that for me. Each woman defines it for herself. 

So I will end with a question…

What does being a woman mean to you?