BEHIND THE SCENES: Loving Debridement

It's been a LONG time since I skinned a painting. Today I sat down and debrided (peeled away) 20 layers of encaustic and acrylic and was shocked to find a secret message underneath.....
It was...
"You are Not Alone."

Take a journey with Blue Phoenix Art...
Set to "Million Reasons" by Lady Gaga

Don't Worry. Be Happy.

My wonderful neuro-endocrinologist said today.... "yes....you have the moon face from steroids...but if ANYONE can make it beautiful you can! You're so CUTE!" Gosh I love her.

She reminded me today how far I've come. She told me to take it REALLY SLOW as I make the changes we need to make over the next 4 weeks. I'll be doing PT 3x a week. I'll be slowly returning to activities of daily living.

And most importantly,she told me that the weight and swelling is all REVERSIBLE when we get my steriods down. She said we don't want to touch the steriods until the gastroenterologist, rheumatologist and neurologist all weigh in ...then we will slowly begin the walk down....

It's been a badass road. She emphasized that I'm not to even think about my weight for the next month. So I shall put away the scale and just stabilize.

My holiday goals are simple. Don't worry. Be happy.

A Prayer for Healing

I have been contemplating the path to healing of late...and one of my favorite Jesuits Anthony De Mello said that most people don't want a cure! A cure is painful. What they want is to be given their life back.... So an authentic and empowered prayer for healing is one that must embrace the transformation and discomfort involved in the cure!

A year ago just about this time I said I wanted to be restored to health. I have maintained that prayer as I have undergone substantial physical emotional and spiritual changes....all painful....all healing. And now once again on this Sunday after Thanksgiving I put forth my heartfelt prayer...

Restore me to Wellness oh Lord... I want to heal!  Like it says in the Book of Samuel, I am your humble servant oh God.  Show me the path you want me to follow.  I'm listening.

Thankful and Blessed

A message of Thanksgiving Gratitude.

I had lofty ideas of what I wanted to write about today. I suppose I still like to think of myself as Sam on the West Wing, with a sharp wit and a powerful tongue that can whip up the best verbiage in a moment’s notice! Afterall, I was a professional writer before the traumatic brain injury that changed my life in 2011. I still have the talent in there somewhere, but accessing it isn’t always easy…especially on a day that I am not feeling well.

I don’t know why I am not as sharp as I would like to be today- It could be the weather, over-exertion, a migraine, or even medication changes (there have been a lot of adjustments as a result of my most recent flare). The truth is that I have no idea why I have brain fog today. I am simply aware that this is the contraction that accompanies expansion. Yesterday was a great day. I felt normal for the first time in a while, as I prepared mashed potatoes with my daughter for the very first time in anticipation of our Thanksgiving Feast! By bedtime, however, I felt a crawling in my skin and tingling in my legs. Did I overdo it? I don’t know. The only certainty at this moment is that REST is required. And although I have so much that I want to express in writing, that’s not going to happen today. Perhaps I will paint my thoughts instead, as the language of color allows me to communicate when I am at a loss for words.

As I sit here, though, I am aware of a simple feeling that can so easily be expressed on this Thanksgiving….I am climbing back from an acute flare of an undiagnosed chronic illness combined with Adrenal Insufficiency and Hypopituitaryism, and I am deeply grateful. I have come so far since this episode began in August. Even as I feel uncomfortable and fatigued today, I am filled with gratitude that that the acute pain has remained at bay (we weren’t sure that it would hold as I peeled back the acute medications), that I was able to drive down to see my horse today (a HUGE accomplishment), that I felt normal for a little while yesterday (YES! NORMAL!), that I am making huge progress (no matter how slow) and I am home with my loving family (so much laughter in this house).

Chronic illness brings life into perspective. As I continue to walk this healing journey, the rough patches help me to simplify the list of that which will make me “happy.” The result? I feel an almost continuous happiness and contentment even in the midst of struggle. My root of gratitude runs deep. This Thanksgiving, I am grateful for the journey.

SOLD!

Two pieces that depict METAMORPHOSIS in the most primal and beautiful sense...celebrating the GLORY of the badass mess that leads to new growth!




Transformation: Inside the Liquid Crysalis



Beyond Duality: Cultivating Zhi 1

I am an acquired savant with synesthesia in the wake of a life changing and life affirming traumatic brain injury. I have never been taught to paint - I simply picked up a brush 6 years ago and let my hands do what they FEEL. Want to know my story? Www.bluephoenixart.com


Original Art by Heather Thompson, Blue Phoenix Art.

IT'S SHOCKING!

This truck driving country girl finally got in my badass RAM and drove around the neighborhood! My kid was SO HAPPY. This is tangible progress for her after a very challenging few months. I'm resuming driving SLOWLY to give my eyes and brain and adrenal glands a chance to build stamina. I can feel just that little drive! So I'm staying in the hood or down to the barn for at least the next week and practicing....but it's a START. And the barn is TOMORROW. I'm so grateful Harvey lives 3 min away 😍

This is how I healed from the TBI. It's how we rehabilitate Harvey. One block, 5 minutes at a time. Slow and steady. Baby steps!

Grace-Filled Debridement

DEFINITION

Debride: To remove dead, contaminated, or adherent tissue and/or foreign material. To debride a wound is to remove all materials that may promote infection and impede healing. 

Today I was reminded of my first time going to Church after the TBI. This marks the beginning of a call that completely changed my life. Imagine the transformation required to become fluid...which I thought was the end...until I realized that there is an emergence of new growth on the other side. I have since learned that we often mistake this metamorphosis for "suffering" when in reality it is simply a grace-filled debridement. God is with me every step of the way, pouring out courage...and I simply need to maintain my humble position of surrender. Speak God, thy humble servant is listening.

November 14, 2011

I had an epiphany overnight (literally). The stars aligned yesterday (with GOD's help) and I was FINALLY able to get to church. It was Caitlyn's first time...she walked right to the front row, center! And in the sermon, I heard exactly what I needed to hear...on a lot of levels...Then last night, while I was sleeping, it hit me - it's what I have been working on for so long, and it seems so simple, yet it is so difficult to implement in practice: accept what is, go with the flow, be "fluid." When recovering from a TBI, this is a necessity. But it is SO HARD to grasp the reality of what this really means. It isn't an accident that I "accidentally" purchased "fluid" acrylics yesterday instead of the "heavy body" versions that I normally purchase. Symbolic of the transition that I realize I am supposed to make? I believe so...I am certain that this is an important key to my journey...stop resisting, accept what is, and lean into fluidity. Just for this morning, I get it. Now I am going to paint it to see if I can deepen my understanding of this concept...Time to pull out the Golden Tar Gel (a new medium that I haven't known how to use until now!!!)