There was a time when I thought that "toughing it out" and "bootstrapping" it was badass. I have since learned that it is living in LOVE that is genuine strength. It's being willing to show my vulnerability and allow other people to have the freedom of their own reactions, while continuing to maintain my path with God.
I had a friend who recently passed away from Cancer. His willingness to share the journey consistently left me feeling humble and inspired...and I told him so on many occasions. It's so rare these day to see the REALITY of life. We portray ourselves in the way that we think others want to see us or the way that we want to see ourselves, but REAL life includes so much more than what we can see from the outside looking in. Don't get me wrong, I don't share everything and I am a very private person. But there is a long line of theologians that have walked the interior journey with a level of transparency that have inspired people for millennia. Need I reference St. Augustine's Confessions?
"Our hearts are restless until they rest in thee, Oh God." - St. Augustine.
An entire lifetime of seeking happiness on the outside finally resulted in a realization that happiness is only found in God/Mystery/Universe/Goddess/Whatever you want to call it.
On that note I will say this - I am doing much better physically, although I am still healing. The Hydrocortisone is helping. I am grateful. And now I am walking back the dose this week - which always comes with discomfort - but I am grateful for the intervention when it happened. I needed it.
I'll be continuing to take it easy. That means that I won't be driving much, and I will be hanging out at my house, and I probably won't be going on any extroverted excursions for a little bit because my body needs this time to heal. I feel incredibly grateful to those that have offered to help. The blessing of your kindness means so much, and I feel deeply loved.
As I sit here in the quiet with my beautiful bulldog, goats, cats, trees and the solitude of nature, I am sitting in a place of prayer for the GOODNESS of GOD to manifest today and every day. One simply needs to look at the blade of grass outside my window to see that God's miracles are bountiful - we just have to learn to SEE again.
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