"Moral support needed.....I rarely see my ex these days. I'm swollen and almost unrecognizable this morning and I have a parent teacher conference with him. He body shamed me at 125 pounds.....it was a constant part of my marriage....it started my eating disorder....and today I bravely allow his opinion to drop away AGAIN. Bravery."
My friends were there for me with encouraging words to help lift me up. I was ready...and remarkably, it was an uneventful and actually quite wonderful meeting with the teachers. My ex was fine. He even asked how I am doing. We have come a long ways in the 6 years since we separated...
And this interaction once again reminded me of something so simple (yet so hard to actually practice)! The issues I struggled with this morning are mine - granted, they originated 20 years ago during a fight over Thanksgiving in San Francisco...and that doesn't absolve him from responsibility...but the issues that remain are mine to resolve inside of myself - I don't need to keep wounding myself with the body-shaming words of controlling and insecure men (and there have been many). Make no mistake, I allowed the men in my life to say what they said about my body...I took it to be true...I felt the need to live up to their fantasy through disordered eating.
No more.
Life is different now. My body belongs only to GOD. Each day, I deepen my understanding that I must surrender to the FLOW. I am learning to DANCE in that flow as well. I struggle daily with the physical transformation that has accompanied my spiritual formation. Yet, upon reflection, it is so clear why this is a part of my path. Yes my body has issues - but it's those very issues that bring me to my knees. One minute at a time, I must practice the art of surrender and love - learning to love myself has been the hardest part.
Life is different now. My body belongs only to GOD. Each day, I deepen my understanding that I must surrender to the FLOW. I am learning to DANCE in that flow as well. I struggle daily with the physical transformation that has accompanied my spiritual formation. Yet, upon reflection, it is so clear why this is a part of my path. Yes my body has issues - but it's those very issues that bring me to my knees. One minute at a time, I must practice the art of surrender and love - learning to love myself has been the hardest part.
So I wrote about what I learned today, and was reminded of this verse from Matthew 11:
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
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